Have you ever asked yourself questions like; “why am I not confident like my friends?”, “why do I get breathless in uncomfortable situations?” or “why do I find it so difficult to talk to the opposite sex?”

These and many other issues affect lots of people in modern society, but the good news is they can be answered. It’s time to deal with the affliction of Shyness!

Shyness is the sensation of being uncomfortable, reserved, and embarrassed in the company of others. Shyness is not necessarily bad, because it is a normal feeling, but it can cause negative effects and lead you to miss many opportunities that may have contributed to your success.

So, what are the causes of shyness and how can we deal with them?

Causes of Shyness

1. Hereditary issues: Some research has shown that shyness runs in families. Before you start looking outside, take a close look at your mum and dad and see if there are any traces of shyness. Even if it is hereditary, there is no reason why it can’t be overcome nonetheless

2. Exposure to new situations: Fairly unexpectedly, exposure to new or unfamiliar situations leads to episodes of shyness in many people. Often their response to these new situations the first time they occur can set the tone for all future responses to situations of this kind.

An example of this would be dating. Dates are usually spontaneous and vague; you may never know what will happen next it’s easy to become nervous, which can manifest in shyness. Because individuals do not know anything about the person, they are being introduced to or because they are unfamiliar with them, they tend to be shy.

Some people also become self-conscious and shy when they are given compliments.

3. Low self-esteem: This is one of the severe causes of shyness; experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. A person with low self-esteem will not regard themselves relevant to society or a positive influence in their community.

An individual who believes they have nothing of value to contribute is not likely to be bold enough to venture forth with opinions or suggestions, as they will expect rejection.

4. Broken Families: Poor personal relationships in developing years can have a devastating effect on individuals self confidence, often leading them to become withdrawn and shy.

Effects Of Shyness

1. Difficulty forming relationships: Individuals that exhibit shyness often find it extremely difficult to make friends, as they struggle to leave their personal comfort zones to interact with people for the first time.

2. Lack of Expression: Shy people are notorious for their lack of expression and responsiveness to situations, as they fear that expressing emotion puts them in danger of ridicule.

3. Low self-esteem: As mentioned earlier, low self-esteem is one of the causes of shyness, but it can also manifest as an effect of shyness. As people’s fear of rejection leads them to withdraw from others, this can reinforce or introduce feelings of low self-worth as society notices this withdrawal and reciprocates.

Overcoming Shyness

1. Building self-confidence: The key to beating shyness is inextricably linked with developing a positive view of yourself. It is vital to value and appreciate yourself and rather than seeing yourself as irrelevant, realise that you are just as important as others. If you can’t compliment and feel good about yourself, how can you compliment and feel good around others?

2. Create an impression: Mental visualization is an extremely powerful tool for overcoming shyness. Deciding to make a step change in your behaviour and anticipating the response you will achieve can go a long way to preparing yourself for this change. Imagine the sort of social interaction you want and the way you can get to live that reality.

3. Realize that you are unique: You have to know that you have something to offer other people - either to improve their lives or create a solution in a situation. You also need to realize that you are one of a kind, nobody is like you and no one else can do what only you can do. There is a unique potential inside of you, which is exclusively for you and can only be utilized by you and no one else.

When you pass up the chance to excel because of shyness or the fear of failure, you are hurting the group to shelter yourself and this is very unhelpful. You have to understand that other people need you. They need your intelligence and insight. They need your help to work through problems. By hiding behind shyness, you limit the help you can give to your friends, family members, and colleagues.

4. Be involved in social enterprises: Taking part in social events gives you the opportunity to meet with various types of people and serves as a vital tool to dispel shyness. Meeting different individuals in an informal gathering will help to boost your self worth and make you feel the same level of importance with others. If you do not have the confidence to approach someone new then, concentrate on trying to be approachable so others come to you. Most people are receptive to a smile and a friendly face.

5. Examine why you are shy: Diagnosing the causes of your own shyness will make them all the more easier to overcome. Do you see similarities in any of the causes mentioned above? Can you find examples where your fear of social interaction has caused, rather than protected you from the consequences you are afraid of? Examining the reasons behind your social awkwardness and identifying the areas where these have stopped you getting what you want will show you not only what you’ve been missing, but also how to stop it from continuing.

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